A Tale of One Restaurant
by SeshatHawk
Summary: Quistis opens a restaurant. Wackiness ensues.


Disclaimer: All characters belong to SquareSoft, not me. I'm just using them for my amusement. Any characters or places not from the game belong to me. That includes Quistis' restaurant. There are also some purposeful jokes borrowed from _The Simpsons_, which I don't own, either.

Author's Note: This is the third part in my FFVIII series.

A Tale of One Restaurant

Balamb Garden, Monday Morning

Zell, Selphie, Irvine, and Rinoa all get onto the elevator to see a sign tacked up to the wall:

_Are you looking for a fantastic variety of home-cooked, delicious foods? From rare delicacies to hot dogs, we've got it all. A marvelous array of entrees, including our orphanage-approved children's menu. You might even run into the President of Esthar or the leader of the SeeDs! So come on down to Deling City and look for Trepe's Specialty Restaurant!_

_Or, come to our special events:_

_Opening Night: Tuesday the fifth. _

_HELP WANTED._

RINOA: Why is a restaurant named after Quistis?

ZELL: Ooh, hot dogs!

SELPHIE: And why would Sir Laguna or Squall go there?

RINOA: Hey, yeah! Squall never eats anywhere but the cafeteria. Well, except when he's playing cards.

IRVINE: How about we find Quistis and let her know about this little mishap?

SELPHIE: Maybe she could sue them for using her name!

They run off to Quistis' classroom, but it's empty. There aren't even any Trepies there. Next, they check her office, but she's not there, and then they try her room, but she's not there either. Finally, Zell decides that he's hungry, and they head to the cafeteria. They find the Friend of Trepie # 6.

RINOA: Hey, where are all the Trepies? Aren't they usually everywhere?

IRVINE: Yeah! And where's Quistis?

ZELL: (runs up to the counter, asks for hot dogs. When they don't have any, he settles on chips instead and comes back to them eating loudly.)

SELPHIE: (approaches Friend of Trepie # 6) Hey, you! Aren't you friends with one of those Trepies?

FRIEND OF TREPIE # 6: Yeah.

RINOA: Where are all the Trepies?

IRVINE: And Quistis?

FRIEND OF TREPIE # 6: The Trepies are all helping Quistis with her new restaurant. Duh.

ZELL: (dripping nacho cheese everywhere as he waves his hand around while talking.) Quistis has a restaurant?

FRIEND OF TREPIE # 6: Yeah. Didn't you see the sign in the elevator?

RINOA: We thought it was someone else's sign and they used her name.

FRIEND OF TREPIE # 6: Someone else using Quistis' name? Ha! I pity the idiot who would do that.

IRVINE: Why would Quistis start a restaurant?

FRIEND OF TREPIE # 6: Maybe she got bored with a SeeD.

ZELL: (spraying crumbs everywhere) Being a SheeD ish never boring! (swallows) Well, except during class. Which is where Quistis always is.

SELPHIE: (ignoring Zell) And why wouldn't she tell us? We're her friends!

FRIEND OF TREPIE # 6: Well, running a restaurant isn't exactly the best job there is.

RINOA: True...but still...

IRVINE: We should go to her restaurant and talk to her.

RINOA: Yeah! She could use our support!

They all stare at her.

SELPHIE: Or we could convince her to stop acting like a freak and shut it down!!!!!

RINOA: Or that...

Outside the apartment building that Fujin, Raijin, and Seifer live in

FUJIN: (walking up the front steps, notices sign taped to building. She shifts her bag of groceries to the other arm, and leans closer to read the sign. After a few moments, she rips the sign off the side of the building and stuffs it into her bag. Then she goes up to her apartment and greets her ten-ton white cat, Pearl.) Hellllooo, Pearlie! Mommy's home! Yes, and I've got some nice, new cat food for you! (puts bag of groceries down on table)

Someone knocks on the door.

FUJIN: ENTER.

RAIJIN: (coming in) Hey, Fujin.

FUJIN: (unpacking groceries) DITTO.

RAIJIN: Did ya know there's a new restaurant in Deling City?

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

RAIJIN: Seifer's been complainin' about all the bad food around here lately. I was thinkin' that maybe we should treat him to a meal there, ya know?

FUJIN: (rolls her eye. Raijin never has any money, so if he says that "they're" treating Seifer, that means that she's treating the three of them.)

RAIJIN: Whaddya think?

FUJIN: (finishes putting groceries away, and reads over flier again.)

PEARL: MEOW!!!!!! (starts affectionately clawing at Raijin's foot.)

RAIJIN: Hey! OW!!! (jumps up on sofa.) My new shoes! (attempts to kick Pearl, gets his foot lodged in her mouth.) Fujin, I could use some help, ya know?

FUJIN: (not paying attention to him) Mm-hmmm.

The cat proceeds to gnaw on Raijin's foot, and Raijin screams loudly. Fujin finally puts the paper down, and gets out the cat food.

FUJIN: Is babykins hungry???

Pearl runs into the kitchen and starts purring.

RAIJIN: I wish ya wouldn't do that. It's still kinda unnerving, ya know?

FUJIN: (shrugs, dumps a bunch of cat food into a bowl big enough to be Raijin's bathtub.) There you go, poor baby! You were sooooo hungry, weren't you? Yes, you were! Yes, you were!

Pearl shoves her face into the food and starts inhaling the kibbles.

FUJIN: Now you can grow up to be a big, strong, kitty, can't you? (starts babbling at the cat incoherently.)

RAIJIN: I don't think she needs to be any bigger, ya know?

FUJIN: She's only a kitten!!!!!!

RAIJIN: Oh. (decides it would be better not to pursue this subject.) So, uh, what do you think about takin' Seifer out to dinner?

FUJIN: WHEN?

RAIJIN: I dunno. Maybe tonight?

FUJIN: TONIGHT, BAD.

RAIJIN: How about tomorrow night?

FUJIN: TOMORROW NIGHT, BAD ALSO.

RAIJIN: Whaddya mean, bad? All you ever do is hang out with us, ya know?

FUJIN: OWN LIFE!!!!!

RAIJIN: Fine. Have it your way. I just thought that it would be fun, ya know? Seifer's been grouchy ever since you threw in a normal sentence in every conversation.

FUJIN: HIS FAULT.

RAIJIN: I thought maybe he'd feel better if we treated him, ya know?

FUJIN: BROKE. (points at empty grocery bag) GROCERIES.

RAIJIN: You broke the groceries?

FUJIN: (exasperated) I bought groceries with my only money and now I don't have any more!

RAIJIN: Groceries?

FUJIN: Money!!!!! Duh!!!!!

RAIJIN: (cowers)

FUJIN: (sighs) Okay, look. Let me check out this restaurant first. Just to make sure the food isn't poisoned or anything.

RAIJIN: I dunno...Seifer doesn't like it when you do stuff by yourself, ya know?

FUJIN: OWN LIFE!!!

RAIJIN: I know. Just warnin' ya, ya know?

FUJIN: CHECK, POISON. TONIGHT.

RAIJIN: Okay, I'll come with ya.

FUJIN: NEGATIVE. SEIFER, KEEP BUSY.

RAIJIN: Okay. I'll find somethin' for us to do, ya know?

Deling City, Quistis' New Restaurant

SELPHIE: Wow! This place is crawling with Trepies!

RINOA: I didn't even know so many Trepies existed!

IRVINE: I did.

ZELL: What kind of restaurant is this? There's no food!

RINOA: Zell! It's not open yet! Duh!

ZELL: Oh. Right.

SELPHIE: Well, we've got to find Quistis. Hey, you! (grabs nearby Trepie) Where's Quistis?

TREPIE # 764: I dunno. Ask Josie. (points into the crowd of Trepies, then wanders off)

SELPHIE: Okaaaay...

RINOA: Irvine, which one is Josie?

IRVINE: How should I know? Why does everyone always think I know these things?

RINOA: Because you're always hanging around the Trepies.

IRVINE: (looking grouchy) Well, I don't know who Josie is. Find her yourself.

ZELL: JOOOOOSSIIIEEEE!!!!

Selphie and Rinoa both slap him.

SELPHIE: What do you think you're doing?

RINOA: That's not something you do when you're in a room of limited space!

ZELL: Would you rather walk up to every single Trepie in here and say, "Are you Josie?"

RINOA: Well, no...

IRVINE: Josie can't be a boy!

SELPHIE: Great, Irvine. That rules out about three hundred Trepies out of five million.

RINOA: Well, Josie could be a boy's name. I mean, weird nickname for Joe.

ZELL: Let's either do something or leave! I'm hungry!

SELPHIE: What else is new?

TREPIE # 321: Did someone call me?

RINOA: Are you Josie?

JOSIE: Yeah. Who are you?

ZELL: We're SeeDs, and we're looking for Quistis!

JOSIE: She's in the back. Excuse me, I have work to do. (leaves)

They make their way into the back, where they find Quistis looking all dirty and wearing a disgusting old T-shirt, sitting on a big box and writing feverishly on a sheet of paper.

IRVINE: Quistis...uh...gee...you look radiant as ever! (looks proud of himself for lying)

QUISTIS: (looks up guiltily) Oh! Uh...hi, guys! (blushes, and tries to hide paper.) What are you doing here?

RINOA: Wondering why you've got a restaurant here.

QUISTIS: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

SELPHIE: So you're ditching the idea.

QUISTIS: Of course not! This restaurant is my child! Plus, I've already spent you guys' paychecks on it, oops...I mean...

ZELL: You spent our salaries?????

QUISTIS: No! Of course not! I would never do anything like that! I just borrowed it until my restaurant gets on its feet. Then I'll pay you all back, I prom--hey!

SELPHIE: (snatches the paper out of Quistis' hands) Whatcha writin'?

QUISTIS: (trying to get it back) Stop! It isn't finished yet! Give it back!

SELPHIE: (reading off the paper) Menu: Garden Salads...Squallsteak...Greiver rice??? Hey, did you kill Squall?

ZELL: (screams girlishly) She's planning to kill off the SeeDs and feed them to her customers! That's why she stole our paychecks! Because we won't be needing them anymore!

QUISTIS: That's ridiculous! I just named the foods after you guys! Squall's alive. Here, you can call him...oops, the phone isn't plugged in yet. But I didn't kill him.

RINOA: (reading over Selphie's shoulder)

SELPHIE: Yeah, you're just planning on getting your groupies to! I knew they were up to no good, milling around out there!

QUISTIS: They're helping me with the restaurant.

RINOA: Besides, she'd have to kill herself and make herself into spaghetti.

ZELL: Ewwww! (winces at mental picture)

IRVINE: Cool! Do I really get to be deep-fried?

QUISTIS: No! I'm not going to cook any of you!

SELPHIE: EEEK! She's going to make Zell into hot dogs!

ZELL: Ooh, hot dogs!

RINOA: Hey, what's a chocobacobo?

QUISTIS: (snatches paper back from them) It's not quite a chocobo, it's not quite bacon, but somewhere in between!

SELPHIE: (wailing) You sound like a bad commercial!!!!!

QUISTIS: (blushing) Well, if you're not going to help, then you can leave! The last thing I need is you guys standing around thinking I'm going to kill you and Irvine talking to my fan club when they should be working.

ZELL: Don't you have any food around here?

QUISTIS: We only have some ham slices. They're supposed to go in the subs.

ZELL: Cool! Great!

SELPHIE: NOOOO! Zell, the subs are made of Rinoa!

RINOA: Uh, Selphie?

SELPHIE: Shut up, Rinoa, I'm talking to Zell!

RINOA: I'm not a sub, Selphie.

QUISTS: That's it! Everyone out! If you're not going to help then get out!!!!

ZELL: But I'm so hungry!

IRVINE: (peering over Quistis' shoulder) Hey, I remember eating Sorceress Brand Imitation Gruel. But I thought it was real gruel!

QUISTIS: Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference!

SELPHIE: Stop, you monster!

QUISTIS: Unlike some of you, I've been brushing up on my commercial-like phrases. (looks proud for some reason)

RINOA: But we'll be allowed in your restaurant once it opens, right?

SELPHIE: But you're going to eat your boyfriend, Rinoa! We don't wanna eat here, no sir!

QUISTIS: Of course you're allowed in here. The more celebrities come, the better.

ZELL: We're not celebrities!

QUISTIS: Well, you're not, but Rinoa is a sorceress! And Squall leads SeeD, and I'm an Instructor!

IRVINE: But we helped to save time!

QUISTIS: Yeah, whatever. Anyway, Laguna agreed to come down here and eat sometimes, so that'll attract people. And even if no one comes, my Trepies will always eat here as long as I'm around! So, that takes care of that!

SELPHIE: ...Laguna..?

TREPIE # 1: (sticking head in door) Instructor Trepe, you've got someone who wants an interview for a waitress position.

QUISTIS: I'll be right there! (turns to the others) Now get out and don't come back until opening night! (they leave) Okay, send in the person who wants to be a waitress!

The door opens, and Fujin comes in, looking a little overwhelmed.

QUISTIS: Fujin????

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

QUISTIS: Oh, you don't have to talk like that, remember?

FUJIN: (folds her arms, looks stubborn) NEGATIVE.

QUISTIS: Well, if you insist...what are you doing here?

FUJIN: WANT JOB. NEED MONEY.

QUISTIS: Okay, then...what are your qualifications?

FUJIN: (thinks for a minute) WORK FOR SEIFER!

QUISTIS: Restaurant qualifications, Fujin.

FUJIN: RIGHT. (thinks for a minute) SERVE SEIFER BREAKFAST. AND RAIJIN.

QUISTIS: Uh-huh...

FUJIN: CLEAN UP AFTER SEIFER. ALWAYS.

QUISTIS: ::Gee, that must be a big job.::

FUJIN: HAD CAFETERIA DUTY ONCE.

QUISTIS: Really? Wow. That's rough. Um, give me a reason why I should hire you.

FUJIN: (thinks for a minute, then proudly gets out her shuriken) PERSUSASIVE!

QUISTIS: First rule of being a waitress: no threatening your boss.

FUJIN: KIDDING. (puts shuriken away)

QUISTIS: Come on, a reason why I should hire you.

FUJIN: SEIFER, PAIN.

QUISTIS: That's not a reason. That's an excuse. That's a reason why you're here.

FUJIN: PUBLICITY.

QUISTIS: Hmmm...(shrugs) Okay, you're hired!

Opening Night

Quistis is busily tending to reports and stuff like that in her office. Her restaurant is doing quite well so far. SeeDs and Trepies alike are both coming to eat there.

TREPIE # 2: Instructor Trepe?

QUISTIS: What is it?

TREPIE # 2: Three of the people on your list showed up. Do you want to show them to a table or should I have someone else do it?

QUISTIS: I'm way too busy right now. Just make sure they get a celebrity table.

TREPIE # 2: Okay.

In the dining room

FUJIN: (walks up to newest customers, praying they won't recognize her, and tries to sound bright and happy.) WELCOME.

KIROS: Uh...thanks!

FUJIN: HOW MANY?

LAGUNA: Three.

FUJIN: (grabs three menus) FOLLOW. (She takes them to one of the celebrity tables.) BACK, MOMENT.

LAGUNA: (looks around.) Huh. This place is pretty interesting. Lots of crazy signs and stuff on the walls.

WARD: ..............

KIROS: Yeah, that alligator does look like Ellone a little!

LAGUNA: What alligator? Where?

KIROS: (pointing) That one!

LAGUNA: (looks at alligator on ceiling, can't find any resemblance between it and Ellone.) It does not! You two are crazy!

KIROS: No, she made that face at me just this morning!

LAGUNA: I don't know what you're talking about! She never makes faces at people!

KIROS: No, she never makes faces at _you._

LAGUNA: Ellone is a sweet and wonderful girl!

KIROS: (looking sulky) To you, she is.

LAGUNA: Hey, are you guys my friends or not?

WARD: ...............

KIROS: Of course we are. I'm just saying, Ellone's no angel. Neither are you, for that matter.

LAGUNA: And am I the president of Esthar or not? Now shut up and let me read my menu! (opens menu, studies it)

_Trepe's Specialty Restaurant _

_Menu_

_Garden Salads:_

_Balamb--a plain, garden salad, with five kinds of cheese_

_Trabia--a Roman salad_

_Galbadia--our special chicken-and-tomato salad_

_Special Meals (items may be ordered separately):_

_Squallsteak (12 oz.)_

_Griever Rice (with butter or gravy)_

_Root Beer_

_Leonheart shake (vanilla and caramel)_

_Rinoasub (ham or turkey, lettuce, tomatoes)_

_Sorceress Applesauce (made by a real sorceress!)_

_Clearly Trabian (flavored caffinated water)_

_Angel Food Cake (with vanilla or chocolate frosting)_

_Quistispaghetti (with meatballs, sauce on request)_

_Instructor Garlic Bread (Eat this and get an A!)_

_Lemonade (choose from yellow or pink)_

_Trepe Peanut Butter Pie_

_Zelldogs (hot dogs with ketchup, mustard, spaghetti, or cheese)_

_Zellchips (made from real potatoes)_

_Rush (Balamb equivalent of Surge)_

_Dincht Deluxe (Choose any desert, plus 6 scoops of ice cream, and 4 of our 8 syrups on top)_

_Selphiepizza (cheese, pepperoni, and sausage--extra or less toppings by request)_

_Copyright Infringers Coleslaw (loved by Balamb Garden's own band!)_

_Pepsi (diet by request)_

_Tilmitt Ice Cream (and 4 scoops of our 64 flavors in a cup or cone)_

_Flavor of the Day: Triple Chocolate Raspberry Swirl Supreme Almond Fudge Delight_

_Irvine-Fried Chicken (deep-fried to a crisp! On the bone)_

_Galbadian Mashed Potatoes (with gravy)_

_Coke (diet on request)_

_Kinneas Cranberry Custard_

_Seifer Stir-fry (ask the waitress)_

_Knight's Naan (rich in breadly goodness)_

_Grape Kool-aid_

_Seifer sundae (vanilla with caramel, whipped cream, and a cherry on top)_

_Raijinlobster (with butter to dip it in)_

_Posse Rotini_

_Dr. Pepper_

_Fujin Pie_

_Matron's Kid's Menu_

_Chocobo Fingers_

_Chocobacobo Fingers_

_Zelldogs--kid's size_

_Raijin's Popcorn Shrimp_

_Edea's Sorceress Brand Imitation Gruel_

_Kramer Cupcakes_

_Quisty Fries_

_Kisaragi Cookies (special ordered from FFVII)_

_Xu's Breakfast Menu_

_Squall's Coffee 'n' Coffee_

_Rinoa's Wholesome Breakfast (ask waitress)_

_Quistis' Wholesome Breakfast (ask waitress)_

_Zell's Pancakes_

_Selphie's Chocobo Crunch_

_Irvine's Super Waffle Special_

_Chocolate Frosted Frosty Quisty Flakes (only sugar has more sugar)_

LAGUNA: Squallsteak? What's a Squallsteak?

KIROS: A piece of Squall.

WARD: .............

FUJIN: (coming up) DRINKS?

WARD: ..........

FUJIN: (stares at him for a minute) WATER, RIGHT.

KIROS: I want...a...Clearly Trabian.

FUJIN: (scribbles on her paper.) PRESIDENT?

LAGUNA: Oh, man! Does everyone know I'm president of Esthar?

FUJIN: (prays he doesn't see the ad on the front of the menu about the President of Esthar making regular trips to the restaurant.)

KIROS: Well, it's a pretty big job, Laguna.

LAGUNA : That's right...miss, I'll have a Coke.

FUJIN: COKE. BACK, MOMENT.

In Quistis' Office

TREPIE # 2: Instructor Trepe...

QUISTIS: What is it now?

TREPIE # 2: More celebrity guests, Instructor Trepe.

QUISTIS: (looks up) Who is it?

TREPIE # 2: (looks at clipboard) Squall Leonheart, Rinoa Heartilly, Zell Dincht, Selphie Tilmitt, and Irvine Kinneas.

QUISTIS: Ooh! Crap! I've got so much work to do...go ahead and seat them, and tell them I'll be there in a minute.

TREPIE # 2: Right, Instructor. Will do.

In the restaurant

SELPHIE: (as they are being led to their table) Wow! This is the coolest place I've ever been to in my life!

IRVINE: I thought that weird clothing store at the mall was the coolest place you've ever been to.

SELPHIE: (looks at him like he's crazy) Irvine, that was yesterday!

WAITRESS: Here you are, table for five. Instructor Trepe will be with you in a few moments.

RINOA: Thanks!

SELPHIE: Eek! Look who's sitting over there!

ZELL: (devouring a dinner roll that was on the table) Over where?

SELPHIE: It's Sir Laguna! Wow! How does my hair look?

ZELL: (looks critically at her, then says) Like Mary Tyler Moore's Accident At the Hair-Cutting Place.

SELPHIE: Very funny.

RINOA: Anyway, it's called a hair salon, Zell.

ZELL: Who cares? Laguna is weird anyway. And talk about weird! Those two guys that he's always hanging out with have problems. Like, the big guy--he never says anything. Nothing at all!

Everyone stares at him.

RINOA: Uh, Zell...Ward's throat got hurt and he can't talk.

SELPHIE: Yeah, you moron! Have a little respect for the President's friends!

IRVINE: (upset) ::Everywhere we go, it's always Laguna, Laguna, Laguna...::

LAGUNA: Hi, guys!

SELPHIE: Eek!

LAGUNA: Hi, Squall!

SQUALL: .........hi. ::God, does this guy have me bugged or something? Is there some reason why he's following me everywhere I go?::

SELPHIE: ::Everywhere we go, people completely ignore me. They always go for Squall.:: (makes an annoyed noise)

RINOA: Hi, President Loire.

LAGUNA: Ah, you guys can call me Laguna. So, how do you like Quistis' restaurant?

ZELL: We haven't gotten any food yet. ::Stupid, slow waitress service.::

RINOA: Quistis told us that we had to come or she would give us cafeteria duty for the next five years.

ZELL: (with his mouth full) Yeah! An' she would do it, too!

LAGUNA: (rubs back of neck) Yeah, she threatened me, too.

IRVINE: Tough luck, man.

SELPHIE: ::What's _his _problem? Why is he talking like Zell?:: (whispers) Irvine! I can't believe you just called Sir Laguna "man!"

IRVINE: Well, if he's not a man, I can always call him something else!

SELPHIE: Eep! (can't do anything but squeak)

LAGUNA: So, Squall...how ya doing?

SQUALL: (head in hands) ::How am I doing? I'm dying of embarrassment, that's how! You big, stupid moron, spreading moronic energy everywhere the way that Presidents do...:: ..............okay.

LAGUNA: .....good.

ZELL: Hey, Laguna! Are you guys gonna eat your dinner rolls, or what? (points at their table)

LAGUNA: Nah, you can have them.

ZELL: Score! (runs over to their table and grabs basket of dinner rolls)

WARD: ................

KIROS: Hey! You taking our dinner rolls?

ZELL: Uh, uh, uh...Laguna said I could have them!

KIROS: Give those back, kid. And no one gets hurt.

ZELL: (looking like he's going to cry) But the _President _said I could have them!

KIROS: Aw....fine, we'll share them.

WARD: ....................

KIROS: No, really, it's cool, Ward. There's plenty of dinner rolls for everyone. Here, sit down kid. Aren't you Irvine?

ZELL: No, I'm Zell.

KIROS: Sorry. Memory problems lately.

ZELL: (sagely) Ah, with the GF!

KIROS: With the what now?

A few feet away.....

IRVINE: So, Laguna...how's that Presidency thing going?

LAGUNA: Okay. I guess.

RINOA: You guess?

LAGUNA: Ah, it's just a lotta work. It's cool.

SQUALL: ::You would think that a fifty-year-old moron would talk like one, but no! He has to steal our language and say that things are cool and stuff!::

SELPHIE: Wow. That must be such an honor, to be running the entire country and everything.

LAGUNA: Yeah, I guess so. (turns away) So, Squall...are you still the leader of SeeD?

SQUALL: ::Stop asking me that!:: ...........yeah.

RINOA: He doesn't run the Garden anymore, but he still leads SeeD!

SELPHIE: Yeah...and I run the Garden Committee!

LAGUNA: You know, Squall, that's a big responsibility and everything...

SQUALL: ::Shut up! Just shut up!::

A few feet away...

ZELL: .....and then they steal your memories.

KIROS: Really?

ZELL: Yeah. And then they take the brain-energy absorbed from the memories and feed it to their spawn on their spaceship.

KIROS: Really?

ZELL: Yeah.

KIROS: They're aliens?

ZELL: Yeah, cause that's why they come out of the sky like that. And then the spawn eats the memories and they have to chew it slowly or else they'll explode.

KIROS: Really?

ZELL: Yeah.

KIROS: Man. All this time, we thought they were fairies.

ZELL: (snorts) Fairies! Wow, that's dumb!

KIROS: Now I see that. Wow, aliens. Who would have thought? Wait a minute, why should I believe you?

ZELL: Hey, I've been using GF for far longer than you. In fact, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't even know how to use GF.

KIROS: That is true...

WARD: ...............

KIROS: That's stupid, Ward! I believe him. I mean, he's a lot more experienced than we are at GF.

ZELL: Very true. So that's why you should believe me when I tell you that GF are really purple-and-yellow polka-dotted aliens who wear Halloween costumes and fly out of the sky when summoned...or something like that. I can't quite remember. Stupid GF!

KIROS & WARD: ................

ZELL: Oh, we ate all the dinner rolls. I better get back to my table! See ya later, guys! (waves and returns to table)

KIROS: (head in hands) ::Now I don't know _what _ to think!::

A few feet away...

LAGUNA: Hey, Zell. That took a while!

ZELL: Yeah, I started telling Kiros and Ward the origin of GF.

Everyone stares at him.

RINOA: Zell, even Quistis doesn't know the origin of GF.

ZELL: Nu-uh! They're aliens! Aren't they?

Everyone stares at him.

IRVINE: Wow! After five years of eating them, those Super Sugar Chocolate Marshmallow Flakes have finally gone to his brain!

RINOA: So, Selphie...how about those Behemoths? Big game this weekend.

SELPHIE: Hehe, yeah! I had heard about that!

LAGUNA: I'm, uh, going back to my table now. Bye, Squall!

SQUALL: ::Shutupshutupshutupshutup!:: ...........whatever.

Laguna leaves.

ZELL: Hey, is that Fujin?????

EVERYONE: ???????

RINOA: Fujin? Is that you?

FUJIN: (carrying a large tray of drinks) NEGATIVE. (goes over to Laguna & company and gives them their drinks, then takes their orders)

ZELL: Wow, that's a relief. I thought that Fujin had gone crazy and become a waitress.

SELPHIE: (hits him upside the head.) Duh! Of course it's Fujin! Look at her! The eyepatch, that all-caps speech...it's her!

IRVINE: Why is Fujin a waitress?

ZELL: Well, I'm not really surprised. Ever since you guys and the FFVII girls took her shopping, she's been acting kinda kooky.

RINOA: No! That's not true! She's just maybe turning away from the Dark Side, or something!

IRVINE: She looks so funny in that little yellow dress with the apron!

Over the radio, "Eyes On Me" starts playing...

LAGUNA: ::Hey, I've heard this song before!::

KIROS: ...and Ward wants Quistispaghetti, with a side of Copyright Infringer's Coleslaw. Right, Ward?

WARD: ............

RADIO: (Julia) ...wishing they would be heard! I saw you smiling at me, was it real or just my fantasy?

LAGUNA: ::Aw, it's the song that Julia wrote for me.:: sniff

KIROS: You got that, miss?

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

RADIO: You've always been in the corner of this tiny little bar...

LAGUNA: ::Aw...if only I had told her how I really felt before I married Raine!::

KIROS: And I want Selphiepizza!

FUJIN: FLAVOR.

KIROS: Pepperoni and sausage. Just one slice; I can't eat an entire pizza.

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

_RADIO: My last night here for you...same old songs, just once more!_

LAGUNA: (tears welling up in his eyes) ::Aw, that song just makes me go all gushy inside every time I hear it!::

FUJIN: ALL?

KIROS: No, I also want Galbadian Mashed Potatoes.

FUJIN: (writes it down)

RADIO: My last night here with you? Maybe yes, maybe no...

LAGUNA: ::I shouldn't have left her! I'm a horrible person! She wrote an entire song for me and I did nothing for her!::

FUJIN: PRESIDENT?

LAGUNA: (with tears in his eyes) Huh?

FUJIN: ORDER?

LAGUNA: Uh, I want a, uh, uh, uh..........I have to go to the bathroom! (runs away crying)

FUJIN: .............

KIROS: He wants a hot dog.

A few feet away...

SELPHIE: Hey, why did Sir Laguna just run off crying?

IRVINE: What? He's crying?

ZELL: Who cares? He's just a big--did you say, crying?

RINOA: Hey, what's that song playing? Haven't I heard it somewhere before?

Everyone listens for a moment...

RADIO: I kind of liked it your way, how you shyly placed your eyes on me...

RINOA: Nah, I'm sure I'd remember it.

QUISTIS: (comes running up) Hi, guys? What do you want to drink?

SELPHIE: Quisty, Sir Laguna just ran off crying!

ZELL & IRVINE: (dissolve in giggles)

SELPHIE: Stop that! It's not funny!

QUISTIS: Oh, no...not again! (runs off)

RINOA: Again? I thought this place just opened!

SELPHIE: Hey, yeah!

The song ends and Laguna returns to his table.

LAGUNA: Where did this hot dog come from?

KIROS: We ordered it for you. Are you okay?

LAGUNA: Yes. Why wouldn't I be? ::Hey! Isn't Squall's girlfriend's father the husband of Julia? Oh, now she's on the List! Wait, I don't have a list...::

KIROS: It's just that you don't normally run to the bathroom crying. At least, not since Raine died.

LAGUNA: Yeah, well... (glares evilly at Rinoa, who doesn't notice)

A few days later, at Fujin's apartment

RAIJIN: Ya know, Fujin, you haven't been around much since ya went to check out that new restaurant.

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

RAIJIN: Where ya been? Seifer's gettin all angry again, ya know?

FUJIN: TELL SEIFER, DON'T.

RAIJIN: What, ya mean, keep it a secret from him? I don't know, Fujin...he'll get really mad if he finds out, ya know?

FUJIN: FIND OUT, WON'T.

RAIJIN: All right...what?

FUJIN: JOB.

RAIJIN: What job?

FUJIN: I got a job!

RAIJIN: What?

FUJIN: I'm a waitress at Quistis' new restaurant!

RAIJIN: What?

FUJIN: It's great! I can't believe I never tried waitressing before!

RAIJIN: What?

FUJIN: Aren't you going to say anything?

RAIJIN: Seifer's gonna be mad.

FUJIN: Not if you don't tell him, like you just said you wouldn't!

RAIJIN: Right, I remember. So...what's this job like?

FUJIN: It's awesome! I get every weekend off, extra pay because Quistis is afraid I'll threaten the customers, and I get tips! Look at how much money I made! (displays a fistful of bills)

RAIJIN: Wow...

FUJIN: Yeah! Plus, I get two weeks of Christmas vacation and two weeks of spring and summer vacations! We can still go to Disney world like we planned!

RAIJIN: Wow!

FUJIN: JOB, GREAT.

RAIJIN: Hey, do you think I could get a job there, ya know?

FUJIN: WHY NOT?

A few days later, at Quistis' restaurant

The FFVII crew walks in through the front door.

TIFA: I read about this new restaurant in the paper. It sounds really great.

YUFFIE: I can't believe you're making us stoop to their level, Tifa.

AERIS: I thought you liked Selphie, Yuffie!

YUFFIE: Eh.

VINCENT: ::Wow, that smells _so_ good.::

RAIJIN: Table for how many, ya know?

TIFA: Uh...eight.

RAIJIN: You're not allowed to have dogs in the restaurant. It scares the customers, ya know?

RED XIII: I'm not a dog!

RAIJIN: ........

RED XIII: Dogs don't talk!

RAIJIN: Yeah, you're right! (marks on clipboard) Follow me, ya know?

CID: What's up with all the crap on the walls?

VINCENT: It's supposed to look cool.

CID: (snorts) Yeah, _supposed_ to!

RAIJIN: Here is your table! Can I get ya anythin' to drink, ya know?

TIFA: Water.

AERIS: Water. (they glare at each other)

YUFFIE: Rush!

CID: A beer!

VINCENT: Uh...

BARRETT: Dr. Pepper!

RED XIII: If you could just put some water in a puppy bowl...I can't drink it out of a glass.

VINCENT: Uh, I guess I'll have a water, too.

RAIJIN: Kay. I'll be right back, ya know? (leaves)

Everyone looks at their menus.

CID: Hey, I remember these guys! Squall and Zell and Irvine! Yeah, a bunch of little punk kids!

YUFFIE: Yeah, and then there was that Selphie. I didn't like her.

CLOUD: I thought you guys were friends.

YUFFIE: Yeah right! I'd never be friends with anyone who--ooh, Triple Chocolate Raspberry Swirl Supreme Almond Fudge Delight! Wow!

TIFA: Wow, this place is cool!

Raijin comes back with their drinks, then takes their orders.

CLOUD: Do we know that guy?

CID: Isn't he Seifer's friend?

CLOUD: Who's Seifer?

BARRET: That guy who was trying to kill us all at the ball.

CLOUD: Oh, yeah! I remember! What was his name again?

VINCENT & AERIS: Raijin.

CLOUD: Oh, yeah! I remember now! Wait...wait...what were we talking about again?

EVERYONE: Raijin!!!!!

CLOUD: Oh, right! Yeah! Who's Raijin again?

Everyone gives up on him. Raijin comes back and gives them their food, and then Quistis comes up.

QUISTIS: Hi, guys!

CLOUD: Who are you?

TIFA: That's Quistis!

AERIS: She owns this restaurant!

BARRET: She teaches at the Garden.

VINCENT: She made you clean up the basement when you all were playing paintball in the house.

CLOUD: Oh, yeah! Okay, go on!

QUISTIS: I was just coming along to see if you like my restaurant!

YUFFIE: It's cool!

CID: Yeah, with all the crap on the walls and stuff...

QUISTIS: We just don't seem to be attracting a lot of adult customers. Most of the people who come are either SeeDs, Trepies, or Laguna.

CID: What's a SeeD?

YUFFIE: What's a Trepie?

CLOUD: What's a Laguna?

QUISTIS: (ignoring Cloud and Cid) I have a fan club. The members are called Trepies.

YUFFIE: Cool! I wish I had a fan club!

TIFA: Well, don't worry, Quistis. This food is great...

VINCENT: ::If only I wasn't left-handed...stupid fork...::

TIFA: ...you'll attract more customers in no time!

VINCENT: (bends fork all out of shape in attempts to spear his food)

AERIS: Yeah! We can tell some of our friends about it if you want!

QUISTIS: (pictures FFVII characters swarming her restaurant) Um, no, that's okay. I want people to get here of their own accord.

CID: You should have a pool table or something. That always gets people's attention!

VINCENT: (finally throws fork aside and spears the entire Squallsteak he ordered on his claw) ::Now _this _ is the way to eat!::

QUISTIS: Weeelll...I was thinking that maybe you could open an extension of Seventh Heaven here.

EVERYONE: ??????

QUISTIS: I mean, adults like beer and stuff, and the way I figure it, a bar is the way to attract older customers. So, what do you say?

TIFA: (whispers) Guys, what should we do?

CLOUD: What's going on now?

BARRET: Do it, Tifa!

VINCENT: (is busily gnawing on his Squallsteak)

RED XIII: Yeah, Tifa! It'll be good for business!

AERIS: Yeah! Do it, Tifa!

CID: Yeah, these freaks could use a bar or two.

TIFA: What do you think, Yuffie?

YUFFIE: Don't do it, Tifa! Your bar will get all plaguey and stuff! It'll become contaminated with FFVIII characters and all their goofy GF leaking out all over the place with their stupid crazy memories and stuff oozing out of their heads!

Everyone stares at her.

CLOUD: What's FFVIII?

TIFA: I'll do it!

QUISTIS: Great! Come back tomorrow and we'll start construction right away!

TIFA: Hey, will I get paid for this?

QUISTIS: Uh.........sure! (runs off)

At Seifer's apartment

SEIFER: Where have you guys been lately? You've been scarce!

FUJIN: NEGATIVE.

RAIJIN: Yeah, we've been around...

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

SEIFER: Oh, yeah? Where?

FUJIN: AROUND.

RAIJIN: Yeah, ya know?

SEIFER: I thought we were supposed to go to that new restaurant in Deling City sometime soon.

FUJIN: Uh.....

RAIJIN: Uh.....

SEIFER: What's with you two? Is something wrong with the restaurant?

RAIJIN: That's Quistis' new restaurant, ya know?

SEIFER: Quistis? Quistis Trepe with the whip? She has a restaurant?????

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

SEIFER: (bursts into hysterical laughter) What's it called, Instructor Trepe's Family Feedbag? (laughs some more)

FUJIN: (exchanges a glance with Raijin. Neither of them find this very funny.)

SEIFER: Or...I know! T.G.I McQuisty's Good Time Foodrinkery! (laughs some more)

RAIJIN: Uh...ha.

SEIFER: No, I bet it's Chairperson Quistis' Magic Wok! (laughs some more)

FUJIN: (clears her throat uncomfortably)

SEIFER: Hey, why aren't you guys laughing? I'm making funny jokes here!

FUJIN: ahem Ha.

RAIJIN: Yeah.

SEIFER: What's up with you two? Did someone die? Did the Garden blow up or something?

FUJIN: NEGATIVE.

SEIFER: Well, then what is it?

RAIJIN: Well, uh, Seifer...maybe Quistis is proud of her restaurant, ya know?

SEIFER: So what? That makes it all the more funny. I say we all go to this restaurant and make fun of it--in person! Whaddya say?

RAIJIN: Uh... (looks to Fujin for help)

FUJIN: (brightly) AFFIRMATIVE.

RAIJIN: Uh, yeah!

SEIFER: Okay, let's go tonight.

FUJIN: TONIGHT, BAD.

SEIFER: Bad?! Bad how?

FUJIN: BUSY.

SEIFER: With what?

FUJIN: BEESWAX, YOURS, NONE.

SEIFER: Fine.

FUJIN: RAIJIN, GO WITH.

SEIFER: But we're a posse! We all have to go together! Let's go tomorrow night!

FUJIN: TOMORROW, BAD.

SEIFER: What?!?!?!?!!!

FUJIN: BUSY!!!

SEIFER: Okay, fine. I get it. You have a life. But this is ridiculous. Two nights in a row? (sighs) Okay, how about the night after that?

FUJIN: BUSY.

SEIFER: Or the night after that?

FUJIN: BUSY.

SEIFER: Or any other night this _month_!!!!!

FUJIN: BUSY.

SEIFER: What? Why? How? Why?

FUJIN: BEESWAX, YOURS, NONE!

SEIFER: What, do you have a boyfriend or something?

FUJIN: NEGATIVE.

SEIFER: Fine. I get it. You don't want to go to this restaurant. Raijin and I will go. _Without _ you.

FUJIN: FINE.

SEIFER: So, Raijin...I'll see you at eight.

RAIJIN: Uh, I can't.

SEIFER: Why not???

RAIJIN: I'm busy.

SEIFER: AAAAAAAHHH! Okay, how about tomorrow night?

RAIJIN: I'm busy then, too.

SEIFER: What about the night after that?

RAIJIN: Then, too.

SEIFER: What are you going to be doing for three nights in a row???

RAIJIN: Uh...stuff.

SEIFER: Are _you_ doing anything any night for the rest of this month?

RAIJIN: (confused by the question) Uh...yes!

SEIFER: &&$(!!!!! How can both of you be busy every && night this month?

RAIJIN: We, uh, had a lot of, uh... (looks at Fujin for help)

FUJIN: KILLING.

RAIJIN: Yeah! We had a lot of killing to do an' our free spaces just filled up, ya know?

FUJIN: SORRY.

SEIFER: Yeah, you should be! (brightens) Well, hey! If you're going to be killing and stuff maybe you should bring the master along!

FUJIN: Hey, good idea! Come on, Raijin! We've got to find the Master! (grabs his arm and they run off)

SEIFER: (runs after them) Hey! I meant _me, _you idiots!!!! (they don't come back) Fine. I'll just go alone. By myself! And I'll have fun, too!

At the restaurant

TREPIE # 2: Instructor Trepe, Seifer Almasy is here. Should we throw him out?

QUISTIS: God, no! Do you have any idea how many punks evil guys like him attract? Let me take care of him! (runs out to dining room, where Seifer is standing and waiting, along, looking sour and grouchy.) Hi, Seifer.

SEIFER: Oh. It's you.

QUISTIS: Party of how many?

SEIFER: Did you forget your contacts or something? How many of me do you see standing here?

QUISTIS: All right! You don't have to get mean about it! ::Uh-oh. I wonder if he knows that Fujin and Raijin work here.:: (takes him to a table) Do you want something to drink?

SEIFER: Uh.... (looks at menu) I guess I'll take a Pepsi. (Quistis leaves) ::How could they do this to me? I bet they both have boyfriends. Or, Fujin has a boyfriend, and Raijin has a girlfriend. Eek! What if they're dating each other? Eeeewww! How am I ever going to be able to look at them again? What am I going to--::

QUISTIS: Here you go.

SEIFER: AAHHHH!! I mean, ahem thanks.

QUISTIS: Okay....can I take your order?

SEIFER: (looks at menu) ::Hmm...I'm so angry, I could really beat up on someone now...hey, this looks good!:: I want the Squallsteak! And, um...(looks at menu again) Griever Rice and Sorceress Applesauce.

QUISTS: Okay, I'll be right back with that. (leaves)

SEIFER: ::Ha! I never thought that Trepe would have the guts to serve her beloved Squall as a meal to people. Fujin and Raijin are going to be so sorry that they missed out on this!::

QUISTIS: (comes back) Here you go, Seifer. Enjoy it!

SEIFER: Believe me, I will. Hehehe. (digs in) ::Huh. I didn't know humans tasted like beef. Oh, well. All for the best. I don't want to choke on my enemy as I'm devouring him. Wow, I hope Rinoa doesn't drop by. She'd kill me!::

FUJIN: (comes out of the kitchen, notices Seifer enjoying his steak) ::Uh-oh:: Psst! Raijin! Seifer's here!

RAIJIN: (coming out of kitchen) What?

FUJIN: Look! It's Seifer!

RAIJIN: He's eating a Squallsteak!

FUJIN: ::Just like him.:: Make sure he doesn't see you, okay?

RAIJIN: It's no problem, ya know?

SEIFER: ::Sorceress applesauce. I wonder if that's supposed to be made from sorceresses, or processed by sorceresses, or just made from sorceress-grown apples, or what? Do I really want to be eating sorceresses here?:: (pokes at applesauce) ::Eh. I'd better not eat it. I'll stick to my rice, and then I can finish my sweet, sweet Squallsteak.:: (chuckles evilly to himself)

FUJIN: (in the background, she carefully sneaks by him, using her free hand to shield her face from Seifer)

SEIFER: Ah! Now I can eat my steak! (cuts a piece and puts it in his mouth, and makes a big deal out of eating it) Mmmm! This is good steak! This is the best piece of anyone I've ever eaten in my life! (ignores looks from nearby customers) ::I can't believe it! This is great revenge! I get to eat my enemy! Mmm, all that swordfighting made him tender and juicy...:: Mmmmm....

SQUALL: (walking by) Hey, Seifer!

SEIFER: (looks up and starts choking)

SQUALL: ......uh.....how's it going?

SEIFER: cough, cough (drinks some water, and then swallows hard) What are you doing here?

SQUALL: I'm gonna go eat. It's a good restaurant. ::It would be even better if Quistis didn't blackmail her customers into coming!::

SEIFER: But... (looks at remnants of steak) ...but...(looks back up at Squall, obviously crushed.) My steak!

SQUALL: I didn't touch it! I swear! ::If he finds out I'm here without my gunblade and he decides to beat up on me, I'm roast!::

SEIFER: (jumps out of his chair, and examines Squall) There's no pieces missing or anything!

SQUALL: Uh...nope. Healthy as ham!

SEIFER: Not even a rib or a thigh or even a shoulder!

SQUALL: (pokes his ribs) Nope! Uh...should there be?

SEIFER: Yes! (accusingly) You're not as healthy as ham! You're much, much worse!

SQUALL: ::Oh, god! Did I say healthy as ham out loud?:: Uh...you bet I am! I'm, uh, yeah...

SEIFER: (takes remnants of Squallsteak and shakes it in Squall's face) Then where did this thing come from? Was it one of your little friends? That little girl with the scary hair?

SQUALL: (cowers away from him) I don't know! It came from a cow! I swear!

SEIFER: What a rip-off! I want to eat my arch-nemesis, and you go and be...alive! It's _cow_!!!!!

SQUALL: Hey! You were going to eat me!

SEIFER: Yeah! Wanna make something of it?

SQUALL: Uh....no. I'm just fine, thanks. Fine as Fujin.

SEIFER: What's that supposed to mean?

SQUALL: Nothing! It just popped out I swear!

SEIFER: Ohmigod! You're her new boyfriend aren't you??? AHHHHH!

SQUALL: No! I swear! I was just lookin' around and I saw Fu....food...that looked like Fujin.

SEIFER: Food that looked like Fujin.

SQUALL: Yeah! It had an eyepatch!

SEIFER: (sighs angrily) ::What kind of restaurant is this?:: Great! All my plans are ruined!

SQUALL: And just what were your plans? To eat me?

SEIFER: Yeah!!

SQUALL: Some plan! Uh...I mean...(notices that Seifer has a steak knife in his hand, even though the Squallsteak is dangling from it.) ...I'm gonna go now.

SEIFER: Yeah, you'd better, cause I'm still hungry!

SQUALL: Eep!

SEIFER: Hey, punk! Listen to me! If anyone asks, I attacked you and cut off a piece of your muscles and grilled it and I'm eating it _right now_! Got it?

SQUALL: (suddenly loses interest) .........whatever.

SEIFER: Yeah. No one has to know about this. (sits down again)

SQUALL: ::Except for the fifty people in this restaurant who just saw you screaming at me.:: Whatever. Bye, Seifer.

SEIFER: (digs into his steak again) Shut up, dinner! Mmmmm, this is soooooo good!

QUISTIS: (comes running up) Seifer? Is everything all right?

SEIFER: Mmmmmmm! This is the _best _steak I've had in my life! Why should anything be wrong?

QUISTIS: I thought I heard someone yelling over here, and I could swear it was you!

SEIFER: Oh, that. My dinner and I had an argument.

QUISTIS: Your dinner?

SEIFER: ::Ohmigod, did I just say that out loud?:: Yeah. What, doesn't your food talk to you?

QUISTIS: Whatever. Do you want any desert?

SEIFER: (finishes up steak and looks at menu) Hey! I haven't seen Fujin in a while...what's in the Fujin Pie?

QUISTIS: Chocolate! It's a chocolate mousse pie! Why does everyone think that I kill everyone else to make meals! I don't, okay?

SEIFER: Okay, okay. 'Scuse me if your nerve got in my way. I guess I'll have the Fujin Pie.

QUISTIS: (brightly) I'll be right back with that. (runs off, and brings him his pie)

SEIFER: (pokes at it suspiciously) ::I should have known Trepe would never have the guts to kill a fly, much less one of her friends. Besides, is it possible to make a person into chocolate and whipped cream? I guess not.:: (digs into the Fujin pie) Hey, this is awful! (looks around for Quistis; when he can't find her, he calls the nearest waitress.) Hey! You! You, with the silver hair! Hey! I'm talkin' to you! HEY!!!!!

FUJIN: ::Fine, fine, Your Highness.:: (walks up to him) Uh...yes?

SEIFER: This pie tastes like crap. You call this chocolate mousse? Find Quistis so that I can tell her personally. I... (finally looks at her) Fujin?

FUJIN: Uh....AFFIRMATIVE.

SEIFER: This isn't another one of those crazy dreams, is it?

FUJIN: Uh...NEGATIVE.

SEIFER: Are you having some kind of identity crisis again?

FUJIN: Hey! I never had a crisis! Just cause I act like a normal person doesn't mean I'm having a crisis!

SEIFER: You don't act normal! What are you doing here, anyway?

FUJIN: WORK!

SEIFER: Work? You? Here? But...why?

FUJIN: MONEY. LIFE.

SEIFER: What life? You didn't have a life till you got a boyfriend.

FUJIN: (appalled) I never had a boyfriend!

SEFIER: Oh, wait, that never happened. Never mind. So you work here for money?

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE. ::If he ever finds out about how I'm dating Nida, I'll die!::

SEIFER: Why? What about Raijin?

FUJIN: Raijin works here too. He's a waiter.

SEIFER: What? That's ridiculous! Why didn't you guys tell me?

FUJIN: Okay, what would you say if Raijin and I told you that we were working at Quistis' restaurant?

SEIFER: I'd kick your sorry butts! Uh, I mean...I'd give you a biiiiiig hug!

FUJIN: (gives him a funny look)

SEIFER: Yep, I sure would!

FUJIN: Okay, fine. Well. I have to get back to work, so--

SEIFER: Not so fast! This pie still tastes like crap! Bring Quistis to me! Now!

FUJIN: But--

SEIFER: Hey! What are you getting paid for, chatterbox?

FUJIN: (grumbling to herself, she goes and gets Quistis, and then brings her to Seifer, but stays in the background to listen to them talk)

QUISTIS: What is it now, Seifer?

SEIFER: I hate this pie!

QUISTIS: Sorry.

SEIFER: It tastes like crap! It's foul!

QUISTIS: Sorry.

SEIFER: I could make way better pie than this! (looks like a light has come on in his eyes) Can I have a job here?

QUISTIS: What?

SEIFER: You heard me, Trepe!

QUISTIS: Uh, uh, uh...what are your qualifications?

SEIFER: I'M THE BEST DAMN COOK THERE IS!!! (calms down) Plus, if you don't give me the job, I'll eat Squall!

QUISTIS: What?

SEIFER: ::Did I say that out loud? Crap!:: I mean, I'll use my gunblade to wreak havoc in this sorry place!

QUISTIS: You're hired!!!

The opening of the Deling City extension of Seventh Heaven

Tifa, Cid, Vincent, and Yuffie are running the new Seventh Heaven at Quistis' restaurant, and Red XIII, Cloud, Aeris, and Barret are running the original back at home.

YUFFIE: Oh, man. That ice cream looks sooo good.

VINCENT: (slaps her upside the head with his hand) Do you have to say that every time?

YUFFIE: But it looks so good...

VINCENT: If you say that ONE more time, I'll whap you with this hand! (waves his claw around and almost disembowels Cid while he's at it)

YUFFIE: (imagines Vincent cutting the back of her head open with his claw, and all her brains spill out. She screams and dives under the table.)

TIFA: Well, this is going well.

CID: Hey, yeah! Gimme another beer!

TIFA: No! We have to save all the drinks for _real _customers!

CID: I am a real customer! Vincent, define customer.

VINCENT: A person who buys goods or services.

TIFA: Ha! See?

At the look on Cid's face, Vincent continues:

VINCENT: Uh, or an individual with which one must deal.

CID: There. See?

TIFA: I'll deal with you. I'll deal with you and hit you!

CID: Eek! No!

ELENA: (walking up before Tifa can hit him) We want some drinks.

TIFA: Ooh, customers! Oh, it's them.

Elena, Rude, and Reno all make themselves comfortable. In the background, Quistis notices them all and gets upset, afraid that the bar is getting overrun by FFVII characters.

YUFFIE: (coming out from under the table) Hey! We can't give you drinks! You're evil!

RENO: But Quistis gave Seifer a steak!

TIFA: She did? Crap. Oh, well...what do you want?

ELENA: (squinting at sign) Uh....

RENO: I want a Cosmo Candle!!!

ELENA: And I want a...um...something without alcohol. I'm the designated driver tonight.

CID: Driver to where? Don't you have to use portals to get here?

ELENA: I'm the designated portal driver. Besides, we have to drive to _get_ to the portal, stupid! Now give me my drink!

TIFA: Fine, fine...

RUDE: Hi, Tifa!

TIFA: What do you want?

RUDE: Uh, uh, uh... (gets all flustered)

TIFA: (glares at him) _What do you want???_

YUFFIE: Wow, that was really cool the way your voice echoed and then broke that pitcher, Tifa!

RUDE: (cowering) I'll just have a beer.

TIFA: (gives them all their drinks) Great. This is going to be a lot of fun.

VINCENT: Hey, Tifa. Give me a drink.

TIFA: No! I just said, the drinks are for paying customers only.

VINCENT: Fine, then. Give me that fifty gil you owe me.

TIFA: Ummm....here, Vincent! Have a drink! On the house!

VINCENT: Why, thanks, Tifa! (frowns down at glass of drink) ::Now how am I supposed to do this..?::

YUFFIE: So what are the Turks doing in FFVII?

RENO: (glaring at her suspiciously) I could ask you the same question!

RUDE: Except with AVALANCHE in the place of Turks!

YUFFIE: (tries to figure this out)

VINCENT: (carefully picks up glass with his claw. The glass shoots out of his hand and topples over.) Crap!

CID: So what are you doing here?

YUFFIE: Uh, yeah!

ELENA: Is it a crime to come to a bar???

VINCENT: Tiiiiiffaaaaa! My drink!

TIFA: Oh, right. (gets him a new drink)

CID: It is if you're underage.

Everyone looks at Yuffie.

YUFFIE: What? I'm not underage! I'm twenty! See, I've got the ID to prove it! (gets out an ID)

TIFA: (snatching it away from her) Hey! That's my ID!

YUFFIE: Oh, uh, how did that get there? No, look, here's my real ID (pulls out Elena's ID. A few more fall out of her pocket, including Aeris', Selphie's, Vincent's, and Cid's.) Oops...

TIFA: You're not blond!

ELENA: Hey! That's mine!

VINCENT: (doesn't even notice. He picks up his new drink, and the glass breaks in his claw) Tiiiiiiffffaaaa!

TIFA: (sighs) Here you go, Vincent.

VINCENT: Oh, hang on. I have to oil my claw so that it doesn't rust. (runs off)

CID: My ID!

TIFA: (turning back to the others) And Selphie's! And Aeris'! Yuffie!

YUFFIE: They wanted me to hold them for them.

TIFA: Give me those! Got any more in there?

YUFFIE: No.

RUDE: So, Tifa...

TIFA: (looks at Rude suspiciously)

RUDE: ...why is there a Seventh Heaven in FFVIII?

TIFA: Quistis wanted us to install a bar. And so we did.

RUDE: Wow, that's pretty amazing.

VINCENT: (comes back, sits down, and frowns at his drink.)

ELENA: Who's running your first bar?

TIFA: Cloud, Aeris, Barret, and Red XIII.

ELENA: (laughs so hard that her drink comes out of her nose.)

YUFFIE: Eeeeeeeeewwww!

VINCENT: (picks up glass with his claw-hand again. This time, the tips of his claws somehow get lodged in the glass without breaking the cup.)

TIFA: I hope you find nothing amusing about my choice of...uh...bar-running people.

ELENA: (giggling behind her hand) Nothing at all.

TIFA: Let me get you a towel.

VINCENT: (shaking his claw, trying to get his cup off.) ::Come off, you stupid thing!::

CID: Gee, Elena. That was pretty classy.

ELENA: (glares at him)

NEW CUSTOMER: (wearing a long black leather coat and a hat that shadows his face) Hey! Hi, everyone!

Everyone stares at him.

NEW CUSTOMER: Could I have a Cosmo Candle?

TIFA: Yeah, sure. (gets him his drink)

ELENA: ::I know I know that voice...::

RENO: ::Cosmo Candles rule!! Kudos to the mysterious man in black!!!::

RUDE: ::Why won't Tifa talk to me?????::

YUFFIE: (peers at New Customer) Who are you, anyway? Why are you wearing those weird clothes?

TIFA: Yuffie! How many times have I told you not to interrogate the customers?

NEW CUSTOMER: I, uh, I am deformed. In my face.

YUFFIE: Eeeewww!

CID: Really? Cool! Can I see?

NEW CUSTOMER: No! No! Uh, ahem, no. It's far too grotesque.

VINCENT: ::Come on...stupid glass.:: (takes cup in hand, pulls on it. It explodes into shards in his hand, and he somehow manages not to get glass in his real hand.) Tiiiiiiffaaa!

TIFA: (sighs) Okay, I'm coming.

VINCENT: Maybe you could give me a rubber glass this time? My claw keeps getting in the way.

TIFA: Oh, sure. (pulls out a rubber cup)

At the other end of the bar...

YUFFIE: Please? Plllleeeeaasssee?

CID: Pllllleeeeeaaassssseee?

NEW CUSTOMER: No! I'm scarred for life! I just wanted to get a drink like normal, regular people! (takes a drink of his Cosmo Candle) Just let me drink in peace!

CID: Oh, fine...hey Yuffie! You got any new Materia lately?

YUFFIE: Oh, yeah! Lemme get it out... (reaches into dimensional pocket, pulls out Materia. A few other things fall out, including a baseball cap, a purple plastic dinosaur, a piece of ABC gum as hard as a rock, and...)

CID: Hey! You told Tifa that you didn't have any more IDs on you!

YUFFIE: I didn't! I just stole this one!

CID: (picks up ID and reads it) Sephiroth???

NEW CUSTOMER: Hey! You stole my ID! And that's also my Materia!

YUFFIE, TIFA, TURKS, & CID: Sephiroth???????

SEPHIROTH: Uh, yeah?

TIFA: What are you doing here?

ELENA: Yeah, we haven't seen you since you laughed at Seifer's friend when she was wearing a dress and you left because you were outnumbered.

SEPHIROTH: (taking off hat and coat) Hey! I can go anywhere I want to get my drinks! Now shut up and leave me alone before Seifer realizes I'm here.

RENO: Seifer's still mad at you for laughing at his friend?

SEPHIROTH: Um, well, I don't know. I don't want to find out. I don't usually talk to Seifer.

YUFFIE: Yeah, I guess it bothers you that he's way more powerful than you.

SEPHIROTH: (sneakily avoiding the question) Give me back my stuff!

YUFFIE: Oh, all right. (gives him the Materia, ID, and the purple plastic dinosaur.)

RUDE: What's wrong, Sephiroth? Can't part with your toys when you go out?

SEPHIROTH: This isn't mine!

YUFFIE: Well, you must have stolen it from someone else cuz I stole it from you.

SEPHIROTH: Nu-uh! I don't carry stuff like this around with me! You must have stolen it from....uh...him! (shoves dinosaur at Reno, who is sitting next to him.)

RENO: Eep! It's not mine, either!

ELENA: (giggles uncontrollably)

CID: Now this is entertainment!

TIFA: (sighs)

VINCENT: Ah! Now this is much better! (is holding rubber cup with his claw hand and drinking from it proudly)

YUFFIE: I know who I steal things from, Sephy!

SEPHIROTH: (screeches) Don't call me that!!!!!

TIFA: Look, I don't want fights at my bar, so if it's not your dinosaur, Sephiroth, just give it to me and I'll put it in the Lost and Found box.

YUFFIE: You have a Lost and Found box?

TIFA: Well, yeah!

SEPHIROTH: (takes dinosaur and shoves it at Tifa) Here. Take it.

YUFFIE: (looking into box) Well, hey! Here's that glove I lost last week...and here's my really cool wallet...and here's that pencil with some weird guy's name on it that I lost...

TIFA: Put those back!

YUFFIE: (puts them back)

CID: How come Vincent gets a drink and I don't?

VINCENT: (happily) Tifa owes me money.

RUDE: Hey! We need service down here! I need another beer, and Elena needs another whatever she got.

ELENA: I got a Clearly Trabian!

TIFA: (rolls her eyes) ::I can't believe Quistis made us sell those things here.:: Okay, here's your beer and here's your Clearly Trabian.

RENO: Hey, Sephiroth! You have good taste!

SEPHIROTH: (suspiciously) What makes you say that?

RENO: You like Cosmo Candles! Yay Cosmo Candles!

SEPHIROTH: (hasn't touched his drink) Uh, right.

CID: Hey, look! There's Fujin!

SEPHIROTH: (turns around.) Eeeeeek!

TURKS: (also turn around) Eeeeeek!

ELENA: Oh, no! If she sees us, she's gonna beat us up again for laughing at her!

RENO: What should we do? What should we do?

RUDE: (grabs Tifa's arm) Hide us!

SEPHIROTH: (grabs her other arm) Yeah, Tifa! Hide us!

TIFA: All right. Here, come back behind the counter.

RENO: Eeeek! She's looking at us!

VINCENT: ::She's not looking at them. What's wrong with them? She's looking over there!::

The Turks and Sephiroth all jump behind the counter and cower on the floor.

CID: I never thought I would see this happen...

YUFFIE: Hey, why are you guys so worried? That ball was, like, months ago.

SEPHIROTH: She'll remember us. How many guys do you see that are six feet tall and have knee-length silver hair?

YUFFIE: One.

ELENA: That was the worst beating I've ever taken in my life!

RENO: Yeah, me too! Tell us when she goes away, Tifa!

RUDE: (clinging to Tifa's leg)

TIFA: Um...okay. (looks at Fujin, who is taking the orders of an old and very slow-speaking group of five men.) Get off of me! (shakes Rude off of her leg.)

YUFFIE: Oh, hey! Someone's coming.

SEIFER: Well, look who it is! Tifa and Yuffie and Vincent...and...everyone.

CID: Hey! My name is Cid!

SEIFER: Yeah, that's what I said. Tifa, give me a drink.

TIFA: Okay. What do you want?

SEIFER: Surprise me.

TIFA: (shrugs) Okay.

CID: What are you doing here?

SEIFER: My best friends work here! I have a right to go anywhere you want! You're not even in the right universe!

VINCENT: We stand corrected.

ELENA: (grabs Yuffie by the leg and pulls her under the counter)

YUFFIE: Eep! Help!

SEIFER: What just happened to that girl?

TIFA: Nothing. Here's your drink.

Below the counter...

YUFFIE: Hey! That hurt!

RENO: Who's up there, Yuffie?

RUDE: Yeah, we can't figure it out.

YUFFIE: Oh, don't worry, it's just Seifer.

TURKS: Seifer?????

Up above the counter...

SEIFER: A toast...to my new career. May it be long and fruitful. (drinks his drink)

CID: And what career is that?

SEIFER: I just got a job as the chief cook here! Isn't that great?

CID: Uh...yeah!

TIFA: That's really great, Seifer. (whispers to Cid) If he switches jobs, then he won't be evil anymore!

CID: So?

TIFA: So then the FFVIII guys won't have to worry about him anymore!

CID: So what? They're a bunch of lousy, good-for-nothing, cheating punks!

YUFFIE: (standing up) Whatcha talkin' about?

SEIFER: Hey, what happened to you?

YUFFIE: Oh, nothing. I...uh...dropped my Materia! But I found it again! See? (pulls Materia out of pocket. Three IDs, some gunblade ammo, and a shoelace fall out of her pocket) Oops.

TIFA: Oh, great. Whose is it this time?

CID: (taking one of the IDs) Hey, you don't have any hair in this one!

RUDE: (pinches Yuffie's leg and tries to scream and whisper at the same time) Give that back!

YUFFIE: Ow! Stop that! (kicks Rude)

SEIFER: Uh, what are you doing?

YUFFIE: Oh. I saw a rat.

TIFA: Yuffie! (hits her)

YUFFIE: I mean, a cat. I hate cats.

SEIFER: Yeah, me too. Fujin's cat is, like, ten thousand pounds, and she tries to kill anyone except Fujin. It's awful! Look, she gave me this the other day. (displays a scratch on his hand.) And don't even get me started on--hey! That's my ammo!

YUFFIE: Yeah. I found it in the Lost and Found box, so I put it here.

CID: (still examining the IDs) And in this one, you've got red hair, and in this one you're blond. And very manly-looking.

SEIFER: My ID! And my shoelace!

VINCENT: Why did you take his shoelace?

YUFFIE: I dunno. I felt like it.

CID: Here, I think this is yours. (gives Seifer his ID)

SEIFER: Argh! You drew a mustache on me!

YUFFIE: It was an accident. My pen slipped.

RENO: (hits Yuffie's leg) Give my ID back!

YUFFIE: Owwww! (hops on one leg in pain)

SEIFER: Uh, what are you doing?

YUFFIE: Someone pinched me!

TIFA: Yuffie! (hits her)

YUFFIE: I mean, someone...uh...binched me!

SEIFER: Binch? What's a binch?

CID: Come here, you little brat! (grabs Yuffie by the hair)

YUFFIE: Eep! Help! No! Someone call the police! Helllppp!

Everyone watches Cid tie her up and gag her in the back room for a minute.

TIFA: So...Seifer...how have you been doing lately?

Balamb Garden

Xu and Nida get onto the elevator, to discover a new sign tacked up:

_Are you looking for a fantastic variety of home-cooked, delicious foods? From rare delicacies to hot dogs, we've got it all. A marvelous array of entrees, including our orphanage-approved children's menu. Or, come to our new bar, the only extension of Seventh Heaven in our universe! You might even run into the President of Esthar or the leader of the SeeDs! So come on down to Deling City and look for Trepe's Specialty Restaurant!_

_Or, come to our special events:_

_Quill & Quaff With Quistis--this writing club meets every Monday night. Write and drink the night away!_

_Instructor's Nite--show us your teaching license any Sunday and get 1/2 off your meal and a free slice of Trepe Peanut Butter Pie. Headmasters get 3/4 off._

_Triple Triad Tuesday--show us any character or minor character card and get a free side dish! Play Triple Triad all day or just watch others play._

_Celebrity Saturday--once a year, rub elbows with sorceresses, knights, Presidents, and other famous people!_

_Quistis' Birthday--the party lasts all night long! Bring a birthday card and get a free QuistisMeal!_

_Open 8-10, Seventh Heaven open from 5-midnight. Open every day of the week!_

XU: Hey, have you been to Quistis' new restaurant lately?

NIDA: Yeah! It's really great!

XU: I know! And ever since Seifer got the cooking job there, the food's been absolutely spectacular. I go to Quill & Quaff With Quistis every Monday, and it's really cool.

NIDA: Really? What's it like?

XU: (pushes button for top floor) It's a bunch of us sitting around and writing stuff. We get free drinks.

NIDA: Free drinks, huh?

XU: Mm-hm.

NIDA: I go to Triple Triad Tuesday. I play cards with tons of people there.

XU: Do you ever win?

NIDA: Nah. Oh, and my girlfriend works there!

XU: Really? Who's your girlfriend?

NIDA: Uh...she doesn't want me to say.

XU: If I guess it right, will you tell me?

NIDA: I guess so.

XU: Is it Trepie # 1?

NIDA: No.

ELEVATOR: Ding!

XU: (walking out of the elevator and down the hall) Is it Fujin?

NIDA: No! (turns around and runs away)

XU: (shrugs and goes to control-room-place) Headmaster Cid, I'm here.

CID: Oh, good. Have you seen Instructor Trepe or Squall around anywhere? I can't find them!

XU: Oh, well, Quistis opened a restaurant in Deling City.

CID: She did?????

XU: Yeah. She spends all of her time there, and most of her friends hang out there too. That's probably where Squall is.

CID: Tell me about this restaurant.

XU: They have specialty foods and an orphanage-approved children's menu. An ex-sorceress' knight cooks there and his lackeys serve people. Oh, and there's a bar from another universe.

CID: Hmm...

XU: There's a flier for it in the elevator.

CID: This sounds very intriguing. Edea! We're going out for dinner tonight!

EDEA: Great!

Two or three weeks later, at the Deling City extension of Seventh Heaven

CID: snore

TIFA: yawn I'm soooo tired! Running this place is hard work!

YUFFIE: Yeah...

VINCENT: I'm gonna go home. I'm tired.

TIFA: Kay. See ya later.

YUFFIE: (waves vaguely at him)

VINCENT: (leaves)

TIFA: (sighs) Business is sooo slow lately...

In the kitchen...

SEIFER: Hey! You! Trepie! I need the ingredients for a Rinoa Omelet!

TREPIE: Right, Seifer.

QUISTIS: (prowling around the kitchen) Wow! This place looks great!

FUJIN: (walking past with a tray of food) AFFIRMATIVE.

RAIJIN: Seifer's really been hounding us about keepin' the kitchen clean, ya know?

QUISTIS: So, Seifer. How's it coming along over here?

SEIFER: Great! I love my job! Hey, Trepie! Let's pick up the pace! We've got hungry people out there!

QUISTIS: ::Wow. I've never seen him so cheerful in my life. He's turned into such a do-gooder.::

SEIFER: (singing) "Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you! That is how I know you go on!"

All the Trepies and waiters and waitresses start singing along with him.

QUISTIS: Wow! This is great! Trepie # 1?

TREPIE #1: "Far across the distance and spaces--" Oh, sorry, Instructor. What is it?

QUISTIS: Take a note. Morale is the highest it's ever been.

TREPIE # 1: Right, Instructor. (scribbles on a clipboard) ...highest ever been. Got it.

QUISTIS: Ever since Seifer took the cooking job.

TREPIE # 1: It's amazing, isn't it?

QUISTIS: Yeah. Too bad the other restaurants are so much worse than mine.

Elsewhere in the restaurant...

NIDA: Agh! You win again!

SQUALL: Come on, let's see your cards.

NIDA: (displays his cards)

SQUALL: Ummm...I'll taaake...this one!

NIDA: Aw, man! Not Biggs and Wedge!

SELPHIE: Yay, Squall! Another glorious victory! (takes a huge bite of her pizza.)

ZELL: Hey, someone pass me the ketchup.

RINOA: Here you go.

ZELL: Thanks. (pours ketchup all over his hot dogs.)

NIDA: Okay, I'm done with Triple Triad for the night. I'm going back to the Garden. See you guys later.

EVERYONE ELSE: Bye!

Nida leaves.

SQUALL: Who else wants to battle the champion of all Triple Triad games?

ZELL: (with mouth full of hot dogs) Nawt me!

IRVINE: I like to watch.

SQUALL: You're all just big babies.

Elsewhere in the restaurant...

NIDA: Psst! Fujin! Over here!

FUJIN: NIDA.

NIDA: Hi!

FUJIN: TALK, CAN'T. WORKING.

NIDA: Oh. Okay. Well, I'll just wait here until you get off work.

FUJIN: WORK OUT, WON'T.

NIDA: What?

FUJIN: DATE, CAN'T.

NIDA: What do you mean?

FUJIN: (rolls her eye. This is one time when she wishes that she could speak to him normally.) WORK. OFTEN.

NIDA: Are you breaking up with me?????

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

NIDA: oh.

FUJIN: SORRY. TIME, NOT ENOUGH. JOB, TOO BIG.

NIDA: Then quit!

FUJIN: (defensively) GOOD JOB! I LIKE!

NIDA: Oh. Okay. Well, then I'll see you around?

FUJIN: POSSIBLY.

NIDA: Kay. (watches her leave, then runs off crying)

At the Deling City Seventh Heaven...

TIFA: Cid! Cid, wake up!

CID: Huh? Whut?

TIFA: We need to stay awake in case we get customers!

CID: But I'm tired...

TIFA: We're all tired, but we need to stay awake! My bar is doing the best it's ever been in years!

CID: We get two customers a day!

TIFA: Yeah! Isn't that great?

CID: Besides, what we? I don't run this bar. I'm an anti-customer.

TIFA: Just stay awake!

CID: Fine, fine...where's Vincent?

TIFA: He went home. He was tired.

CID: So Vincent can go home, but I can't?!

TIFA: Yes.

YUFFIE: Man, I am sooo bored! This is boring!

SQUALL: (runs up out of nowhere) Will you play cards with me?

YUFFIE: Sure! I bought this deck of cards today. Okay, how do you play?

Elsewhere in the restaurant...

RINOA: You know, I think that this restaurant is really great.

SELPHIE: Yeah! Seifer's not evil anymore, and everything!

IRVINE: Yep, he's a regular ray of sunshine.

SELPHIE: Not to mention Fujin and Raijin.

RINOA: I know! They've all changed so much since this restaurant opened! It's great!

SELPHIE: What do you think, Zell?

ZELL: (with his mouth full) Fah fink dabht fah blceneed donoker border fo kries.

IRVINE: We all know what you think!

SELPHIE: Eeeew! Can you at least close your mouth when you chew?

RINOA: (continuing) Quistis is so happy. She gets a lot more satisfaction from this than from teaching.

ZELL: Fah krant bo kries!

IRVINE: Stop talking! You're spitting food all over me!

SELPHIE: Excuse me, waitress! We need another order of fries for this pig here.

ZELL: (swallows) I'm not a pig!

At the Deling City Seventh Heaven...

YUFFIE: Yay! I won!

SQUALL: I don't know how that happened.

TIFA: Too bad, Squall.

SQUALL: Well, I _would _have won if all my best cards hadn't mysteriously disappeared!

TIFA: Yuffie!!!!!

YUFFIE: Sorry. Here you go. (gives him back all of his best cards)

SQUALL: That's better.

YUFFIE: Let's not play cards anymore.

CID: Hey! Look who's here!

SQUALL: Who? Where?

CID: That jerk of a snotball who likes to copy off of everyone else!

TIFA: Who?

CID: Cid!

YUFFIE: You?

CID: No! Headmaster Cid! He stole my name! And now he's eating here!

TIFA: Actually, since he's way older than you, technically you stole his name.

YUFFIE: Yeah. I mean, there must be a thousand Cids in this universe alone! (waves her arms around dramatically, and an object falls out of her sleeve onto the counter)

SQUALL: Hey! My watch!

YUFFIE: Oops. How'd that get there?

SQUALL: (grabs his watch and puts it on his wrist.)

TIFA: So anyway, Cid, he's not stealing your name.

CID: That doesn't matter! What matters is that he's trying to be like me and I'm sick of it! I'm gonna go teach him a lesson! (gets up, walks right past Headmaster Cid, and leaves the restaurant.)

TIFA: Hey! He's going home!

SQUALL: Who'd want to go home? I live here!

Tifa and Yuffie stare at him.

SQUALL: Just kidding!

TIFA: I told him not to go home! What a jerk!

YUFFIE: Can I go home? I'm sleepy.

TIFA: No!

Elsewhere in the restaurant...

ZELL: Mmm, fries!

RINOA: Guys, I think we should go home soon. It's starting to get dark, and even Trepie # 65 is sleeping on the table.

SELPHIE: Yeah...(yawns)

ZELL: No way, guys! This is only my fourth order of fries and my tenth hot dog! We can't leave now!

RINOA: We can come back tomorrow, Zell.

IRVINE: (head falls forward onto table, and he starts to snore loudly)

SELPHIE: Come on, Zell. Please! I'm tired!

ZELL: Well, okay...but only if I can get another order of fries in a doggy bag so I can have fries for breakfast.

RINOA: Knock yourself out...

ZELL: Waitress! I need another order of fries and a doggy bag!

RINOA: Gee, Irvine's got a lot of self-control.

They all look at Irvine, who is snoring.

ZELL: I say we paint his face with ketchup.

RINOA: That's so mean!

ZELL: Mean? What are you talkin' about? Whoever falls asleep first gets stuff done to them! Like shaving cream in their hands or something.

SELPHIE: Yeah...but we should let him sleep! Lookit how cute he looks!

RINOA: Aw! Yeah...

ZELL: Um, whatever.

SELPHIE: But don't tell him we said that.

RINOA: Yeah. You know how he is.

ZELL: Okay. Hehehe...

At the Deling City Seventh Heaven...

YUFFIE: ...and that's why I like sugar.

TIFA: ZZZZZZZZZ

SQUALL: That's great, Yuffie!

YUFFIE: So, you got a candy bar on you?

SQUALL: Nope, sorry.

YUFFIE: (dejected) Oh.

SQUALL: Maybe you could convince Seifer to give you something. He's been really cool ever since he started working here.

YUFFIE: Maybe I will, Squall. Maybe I will...

RINOA: (from across the restaurant) Hey, Squall! Come on, we're leaving!

SQUALL: Ooh! I gotta go. Bye, Yuffie! Bye Tifa!

TIFA: Brflen.

YUFFIE: Bye, Squall! See ya tomorrow! (looks around.) Man, this is so boring. (shakes Tifa) Hey Tifa! Wake up!

TIFA: Eneufe?

YUFFIE: WAKE UP!!!!!

TIFA: Eek! Okay, I'm awake. What's wrong?

YUFFIE: I'm bored!!!!!

TIFA: You woke me up for that??? Okay, listen to me good:

YUFFIE: Okay...

TIFA: I'm gonna go home and sleep. And you need to stay here and watch over the bar. You can come home at midnight, okay?

YUFFIE: What?? But--but...

TIFA: Just do it! I know about how you stole Cid's life savings!!!!!

YUFFIE: What? Well, Tifa, since you're so very tired, I think I'll stay here and watch over the bar for you so that you can go home and sleep.

TIFA: That's very kind of you, Yuffie. See ya later! (leaves)

YUFFIE: (head in hands) Man, this is sooo boring!

In the kitchen...

QUISTIS: How's it going, everyone?

RAIJIN: My feet hurt, ya know?

FUJIN: DITTO.

SEIFER: Quistis, could I take a break? I'm about ready to fall over into this frying pan.

QUISTIS: Weeeeeellll...we're having a lot less orders now that it's late...I guess so. Just ten minutes or so!

SEIFER: Great! Thanks! (carefully puts down his spatula, unties his apron, and then leaves)

QUISTIS: What about the rest of you? Do any of you need breaks?

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

RAIJIN: Yeah...

TREPIE # 20: Uh-huh...

QUISTIS: Okay, you guys can't leave the kitchen, but you can sit down until Seifer gets back, all right? Enjoy it! Come on, Trepie #1, we've got to go and make sure the customers are happy.

TREPIE # 1: yawn Right behind you, Instructor...

At the Deling City Seventh Heaven...

SEIFER: Hi, there!

YUFFIE: (waking up suddenly) Eek! Oh. It's you.

SEIFER: Yep! Gimme a drink! Something non-alcoholic that will keep me awake during my long kitchen hours.

YUFFIE: Sure thing! Uh... (looks at the array of bottles) Like what?

SEIFER: Give me one of those new chocolate seltzers. With lime.

YUFFIE: Coming right up! (pours chocolate seltzer into glass, then frowns) ::Now where does Tifa keep the limes..?::

SEIFER: So...how are things going over here?

YUFFIE: Good. ::Come on, limes! Where are you?::

SEIFER: Getting lots of customers?

YUFFIE: Sure. ::Here, limey, limey, limey! Where are you???::

SEIFER: Where did everyone else go?

YUFFIE: Great. ::Ah-HA! Here they are. Now, how should I cut them up..?::

SEIFER: Are you even listening to me???

YUFFIE: Cool. ::Where does she keep the lime-knives?::

SEIFER: What are you doing back there?

YUFFIE: Uh-huh.

SEIFER: (thinks for a minute) Purple monkey dishwasher.

YUFFIE: Yeah. ::Well, I can't find any lime-knives, but this will do the job just as well!:: (whips out her shuriken)

SEIFER: (falls off his stool in surprise) What are you doing???

YUFFIE: Cutting up the limes!

SEIFER: Don't use that! Here, take my pocket knife. (holds it out to her)

YUFFIE: Aw...thanks! (sets shuriken down on counter, then takes Seifer's knife and starts sawing through the lime)

SEIFER: Hey, you and Fujin have the same weapon!

YUFFIE: Really?

SEIFER: Yeah!

YUFFIE: Cool. (puts a mangled piece of lime in Seifer's drink.) There you go.

SEIFER: (decides that it will taste the same anyway.) Thanks!

YUFFIE: So. Are you as bored as I am?

SEIFER: No way! I loooove my job!! Yep! I sure do!

YUFFIE: Argh! I can't believe it! Everyone else abandoned me here to run the bar when it's Tifa's bar and not mine! And we don't have any customers and I'm soooooo bored!!!! And I'm tired, too!

SEIFER: That's rough. (drinks his seltzer.)

YUFFIE: And I'm underage! I shouldn't even be looking at these drinks!

SEIFER: Too bad.

YUFFIE: Maybe Quistis would hire me on as a waitress. Then Tifa wouldn't be able to blackmail me into staying here.

SEIFER: Hey, yeah! Then you could work with my two best friends and my lackeys! Fujin and Raijin!

YUFFIE: Hey...I sure could! ::Never mind! Fujin was weird enough as it is...I don't even remember Raijin!::

SEIFER: Well, I'm done with my drink. I better get back to work.

YUFFIE: Oh...okay. sniff

SEIFER: (gets up and starts to leave) Bye, Yuffie!

YUFFIE: (in her most pitiful voice) Bye, Seifer! sniff

SEIFER: (feels sorry for her) Aw...Hey, Yuffie!

YUFFIE: What?

SEIFER: Wanna tour of the kitchen?

YUFFIE: Sure! Thanks! Just let me do one thing here...(takes out a piece of paper and a green Magic Marker and writes in large letters: "CLOSED 4 RENIVASHINS.")

SEIFER: Uh...you spelled renovations wrong.

YUFFIE: (studies sign) Oh, well. They'll get the general idea, anyway. (puts sign on the counter, then takes Seifer's arm) Okay, let's go!

In the kitchen...

FUJIN: Hey, Raijin! Look!

RAIJIN: Zzzzzzz...ya know....zzzzzzz

FUJIN: RAIJIN, WAKE! (kicks him)

RAIJIN: Ow! (wakes up) What'd ya do that for, ya know!

FUJIN: Look who's with Seifer now!

RAIJIN: Who is that kid?

FUJIN: That's Yuffie from FFVII.

RAIJIN: Oh. Maybe I'll go an' hide, ya know? That game gives me the creeps, ya know?

FUJIN: DITTO.

Across the kitchen...

SEIFER: ...and this is where I work!

YUFFIE: Cool!

SEIFER: This is my apron, and this is my special spatula, and this is the stove.

YUFFIE: Neat! (sticks her hands in her pockets, and frowns.) ::What's this?:: (pulls out a grenade.) ::Huh. How'd that get in there? Oh, well.:: (tosses it over her shoulder, and pretends she never found it.)

SEIFER: And over here, we have the place where the waitresses and waiters leave the orders. And then Trepie # 78 comes and gets them and brings them to me. Then I tell everyone what to bring me so that I can make the meals.

YUFFIE: Wow. That sounds exciting! ::Way more exciting than my job, anyway.::

SEIFER: It is! I get to cook all day long! It's awesome! It's the best choice I ever made in my life!

Across the kitchen...

RAIJIN: Hey, what's that thing, ya know?

FUJIN: GRENADE.

RAIJIN: What's a grenade doin' in the kitchen, ya know?

FUJIN: NOT SURE.

RAIJIN: It's not gonna blow up, is it?

FUJIN: NEGATIVE. NEEDS TRIGGER.

RAIJIN: Oh. That's good, ya know?

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

Across the kitchen...

SEIFER: And this is the fridge.

YUFFIE: Wow! It's huge!

SEIFER: I know. We keep all the food that we use in this thing. And it's really cold, too.

YUFFIE: Really?

SEIFER: Yeah! Quistis cast an ice spell on it or something, and now it's cold forever.

YUFFIE: Cool!

SEIFER: Yeah...

YUFFIE: You know, I don't get the magic that you guys use.

SEIFER: You don't?

YUFFIE: Yeah. Especially the GF.

SEIFER: Oh, the Guardian Forces? I don't use them as often as SeeDs do. I like to remember what I did.

YUFFIE: It's just so confusing...

SEIFER: Oh, well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't get your magic, either.

YUFFIE: Really?

SEIFER: Yeah! I mean, how can you contain a spell in a little ball like that?

YUFFIE: (thinks hard) You know, I don't know! But materias are really cool! I collect materia!

SEIFER: Really?

YUFFIE: Yeah! I'm an expert at using materia!

SEIFER: Wow! Do you think you could teach me how to use them?

YUFFIE: Sure! But it might be kinda hard for you to get one, cause they're only made in FFVII.

SEIFER: Oh, it's cool. I've got friends in high places. ::Or, since they live in FFVII, I guess you could say low places...::

YUFFIE: Okay. This is a materia. (pulls out Knights of the Round.)

SEIFER: .........it looks so innocent.

YUFFIE: Well, it's not innocent. It's very deadly. One wrong move, and the entire thing could blow up in your face! (waves her arms around dramatically, and drops KotR) Oops.

SEIFER: (alarmed) Is it gonna blow up?

YUFFIE: Nah, I was just lying.

SEIFER: Oh, okay.

YUFFIE: But it's my favorite materia, and I don't want to lose it, so I better go find it.

SEIFER: Okay. And I'll wait here.

YUFFIE: Okay. (wanders off around the kitchen.) ::Where did it go? I thought I saw it roll under that table...:: (gets down on hands and knees and peers under table.) ::Nope. Not under there.::

SEIFER: (hums to himself and examines his fingernails.)

YUFFIE: (crawls around on the floor) ::It shouldn't be so hard to find! It's red! You would think I would spot it right away! Uh-oh...:: (sees the grenade that she dropped. The pin got caught on a little nail sticking out from a table.) ::I had better get that before the pin pops out. Quistis would kill me if I blew up her restaurant!::

RAIJIN: Hey, why's that kid crawlin' around on the floor, ya know?

FUJIN: ...don't know...zzzzzz

SEIFER: ::What's taking her so long?::

YUFFIE: ::But I also don't want to lose my materia, so I had better find that first! Oh, there it is!::

The KotR materia is rolling around on the floor innocently.

YUFFIE: Now it's just a matter of crawling over to it and picking it up!

SEIFER: What did you say?

YUFFIE: I found it! Just gimme a second to get it...uh-oh.

SEIFER: Uh-oh what?

YUFFIE: Nothing!

The materia rolls over and hits the grenade, dislodging it from the pin. They both roll away together and hit the wall.

YUFFIE: Oops.

At the Deling City Police Station

QUISTIS: How did this happen? I left for one minute to get something out of my car, and the next thing I know, my restaurant is in flames!

POLICE OFFICER: I'm terribly sorry, Instructor.

QUISTIS: It isn't your fault... ::It's a good thing there was only staff in there or else I would get sued big time!::

POLICE OFFICER: We've got a few injuries, but no one was seriously hurt.

QUISTIS: That's a relief.

POLICE OFFICER: All five of the victims were at the scene, we think. We've already questioned them, but if you wish to question them further, please feel free to do so.

QUISTIS: Who are the victims?

POLICE OFFICER: Uh...(looks at clipboard) Diane Kelarie, Jack Smith, Fujin Masago, Raijin Hiroshi, and Yuffie Kisaragi.

QUISTIS: ::That's Trepie # 8, Trepie # 20, and Fujin and Raijin. And Yuffie.:: I think I will go question them.

POLICE OFFICER: Okay. You have a good evening, Instructor.

QUISTIS: ::Good? My restaurant just blew up! How can I possibly have a good evening???:: Yeah, you too.

At the Deling City Hospital

SEIFER: (bursting in the door) How are my buds?

RAIJIN: (moans)

FUJIN: PAIN.

SEIFER: Aw...that's too bad. But look, guys! I brought you flowers and chocolate and cards! These cards are great. I got all the evil guys I could think of to sign them for you. Even that jerk Sephiroth.

FUJIN: GOOD.

RAIJIN: Chocolate?

SEIFER: Yeah! I got you your favorite...for Raijin, chocolate-covered cherries, and for Fujin, minty truffles!

FUJIN: TRUFFLES?

RAIJIN: Cherries?

SEIFER: Yeah!

FUJIN: SEIFER, GRATITUDE.

RAIJIN: Yeah, me too, ya know?

SEIFER: Now, I'll just arrange these bouquets I got for you guys on your little tables here, and here are your chocolates, and here are your get-well cards!

YUFFIE: What about me?

SEIFER: (suddenly looks like a shadow has covered his face.) You don't get anything.

YUFFIE: Why not?

SEIFER: Because it's your fault that my best friends are in pain!

YUFFIE: I didn't mean to!

SEIFER: Shut your noise hole! I'm trying to give my friends presents!

RAIJIN: Yeah, ya know!

FUJIN: Let the man give us presents!

SEIFER: Yeah! (turns his back to Yuffie) I can't believe you guys got stuck with her.

YUFFIE: Hey! I heard that!

RAIJIN: Neither could we, ya know?

FUJIN: But this hospital is really, really empty, and they arrange the patients alphabetically. So it went Hiroshi, Kisaragi, Masago.

SEIFER: Too bad, my poor, poor friends.

RAIJIN: Hey, will you sign my cast, ya know?

SEIFER: Sure! (pulls out a pen, and writes, "To my good friend Raijin, please get well soon because I am lonely all by myself! Seifer.")

FUJIN: Now sign mine!

SEIFER: (writes "Fujin, please get well really really soon because I don't have keys to your apartment and I never get my newspaper anymore and you are my best friend! Seifer")

FUJIN: ::Gee, Seifer, way to be sensitive.::

QUISTIS: (comes in) Hi, everyone.

YUFFIE: Eep!

SEIFER: Oh. It's you.

QUISTIS: ::What? He's evil again? Whoever did this is going to pay...:: I was just coming in to see how you were all doing.

RAIJIN: I've got a broken arm an' a broken leg an' one of my ribs is sprained, ya know! An' look! My entire arm got all burned, ya know!

FUJIN: BURNED, ALSO. ARM, BROKEN. HURTS LOTS. HEAD, IN PAIN.

QUISTIS: Well, it could be much, much worse!

SEIFER: How so? My friends are in pain!

QUISTIS: Well, they could be dead!

SEIFER: That's true...

QUISTIS: I thought Yuffie is in here too. Where is she?

SEIFER: Behind the curtain.

QUISTIS: Why?

RAIJIN: Seifer hates her now, ya know? So he pulled the curtain closed on her.

QUISTIS: (opens curtain) Yuffie?

YUFFIE: (hides under blankets)

QUISTIS: How are you, Yuffie?

YUFFIE: I didn't blow up your restaurant! I swear!

QUISTIS: (looks at her suspiciously)

YUFFIE: Uh, I mean, both of my arms are broken, and my legs are all burned.

QUISTIS: Yuffie...did you blow up my restaurant?

SEIFER: You mean you didn't know she blew up your restaurant? Man, that's gotta sting.

QUISTIS: YOU BLEW UP MY RESTURAUNT?????????

YUFFIE: I can explain! Please let me explain!

QUISTIS: So explain before I kill you.

YUFFIE: Well, _Seifer _wanted to know about materias, so I got out my KotR materia for _Seifer_ and then he told me to throw it...

SEIFER: You lie! I would not do that!

YUFFIE: Okay, and I dropped it.

QUISTIS: So? It shouldn't have blown up the restaurant.

YUFFIE: Well, that's the funny part. It hit this grenade that I accidentally dropped on the floor...

SEIFER: You threw it on the floor! You jerk!

QUISTIS: (glares at Yuffie)

YUFFIE: And KotR hit the grenade and pulled the pin out and then they both hit the wall.

QUISTIS: Oh. (talking to herself) So if the grenade hit the materia trigger button at the same time that it also hit the wall, it would have blown up, summoned KotR, and also had a chain reaction, making the materia blow up as well even as it was doing its magic...Yuffie...

YUFFIE: Yes?

QUISTIS: I'm going to kill you...slowly...

SEIFER: Yes!

RAIJIN: (cheers)

FUJIN: DESERVED, KISARAGI.

YUFFIE: Eep! (hides under blankets)

TIFA: Yuffie!

YUFFIE: ???????

The entire FFVII crew parades through the door with flowers, candy, and cards.

AERIS: We heard you were in an accident at the restaurant.

QUISTIS: You could say that.

CID: No one's talkin' to you, teachy!

QUISTIS: ?????

YUFFIE: Yeah...look, guys. My arms are broken!

TIFA: Awwww...poor Yuffie.

QUISTIS: Poor Yuffie? She blew up my restaurant!!!!!

Everyone looks at Yuffie. Yuffie explains what happened again.

TIFA: Aw, well it was just an accident.

AERIS: Yeah, she didn't mean to blow up your restaurant.

CID: It's just one of those things that happens.

VINCENT: There's no need to get so upset, Quistis.

BARRET: You okay, kid?

YUFFIE: I think so...

CLOUD: Aw!!!!! Look, Yuffie, we brought you some of these things...what are they called again?

TIFA: Roses, Cloud.

CLOUD: Right, we brought you some roses. Cause we heard you were...uh...

AERIS: Hurt!

CLOUD: Yeah! We heard you were hurt...who are you again?

RED XIII: (nuzzles Yuffie and purrs)

CLOUD: I didn't know dogs could purr!

RED XIII: I'm not a dog!

CLOUD: Whoa! A talking dog!

AERIS: He's not a talking dog!

TIFA: That's Red XIII!

CLOUD: Oh, right. I remember. And who are you two again?

TIFA: I'm Tifa.

AERIS: And I'm Aeris.

CLOUD: And which one of you is my girlfriend again?

TIFA & AERIS: I am. (they glare at each other)

CLOUD: (snickers to himself) ::I will never, ever, get tired of doing that.::

YUFFIE: Awwww....thanks guys! I love you guys!

AERIS: Well, we love you too, Yuffie.

TIFA: Ha! You cracked first! I'm Cloud's girlfriend!

AERIS: No, you're not! I am! (they start fighting)

CID: (carefully inches away from Tifa and Aeris) We wanted to have you transferred to the hospital in Midgar, but they wouldn't let us.

YUFFIE: (lip trembling) So I have to stay in FFVIII till I get better?

CID: Oh, no! Don't cry!

RED XIII: We'll make it better!

VINCENT: Uh, what can we do, guys?

BARRET: We could sneak her out of the hospital!

CLOUD: We could sneak her a razor blade in a cake!

YUFFIE: Actually, do any of you guys have a FullCure?

VINCENT: Ooh! I do! Here, Yuffie! You're cured!

YUFFIE: (jumps out of bed) Yay! Now let's go home!

CLOUD: But those things...

YUFFIE: Casts.

CLOUD: But those casts are still on your whatchacallums. Arms.

YUFFIE: I'll saw them off when we get home. Let's hurry!

They all run out, dragging a still-fighting Tifa and Aeris behind them.

QUISTIS: How did that happen?

SEIFER: You would make an awful evil mastermind. You let your guard down for one second, and they've gotten away.

QUISTIS: (glares at him) Who asked you?

SEIFER: Uh, uh, uh...no one! (hides under Raijin's bed)

QUISTIS: Well, I guess I had better go check on my groupies. See you guys later.

FUJIN: FAREWELL, INSTRUCTOR.

RAIJIN: Bye, Quistis!

SEIFER: (from under the bed) Bye, Quistis!

The next morning at Balamb Garden

Irvine, Selphie, Rinoa, Zell, and Squall get on the elevator to find a few signs:

_-If anyone sees or finds one Yuffie Kisaragi, please report to Instructor Quistis Trepe. Thank you. _

_-Tall, cute, sensitive, and good-looking SeeD guy looking for girlfriend. Just been dumped, looking for a girl willing to commit. Must be on the side of good, have two fully functional eyes, and preferably has no job. Call Nida-Hates-Fujin at 621-9846. _

_-I would like to apologize for blowing up Instructor Quistis Trepe's restaurant. It wasn't my fault but I am apologizing anyway because Tifa made me. Sincerely, Yuffie Kisaragi._

_-Dear SeeDs, Just a reminder that my two best friends Fujin and Raijin are injured. I am taking time off being evil to take care of them, but don't worry! We'll all be back on the job as soon as everything heals! -Seifer Almasy_

_Yeah! Whoever gets on our bad side won't live to regret it, ya know! -Raijin Hiroshi_

_SeeDs, Beware! :-) Fujin Masago_

_P.S: Please feel free to show your sadness at our injuries by buying us presents. Sincerely, Raijin_

_P.P.S: Fujin hates Nida, too!!!!!!!_

RINOA: Well, it looks like everyone is taking this restaurant-blowing-up thing well.

ZELL: Except Quistis. I've never seen her so angry in my life.

IRVINE: Yeah...she's never thrown anything at me before in my life.

SELPHIE: Maybe if you hadn't gone on about how cute Yuffie is!

IRVINE: Sorry. I can't help it.

RINOA: (reading elevator signs) At least we'll be free of Seifer and Fujin and Raijin for a while.

ZELL: What's with Fujin and Nida hating each other?

SELPHIE: I dunno...it's kinda weird, isn't it?

SQUALL: Where are we going to eat now?

RINOA: The cafeteria.

SQUALL: The cafeteria??? But it's so drab and boring...

ZELL: Yeah! There's no crazy crap on the walls!

SELPHIE: You could always throw food on the walls. Then it would be covered with crazy crap!

ZELL: Yeah...but they never have any hot dogs, either!

SELPHIE: Sorry. Can't help you there.

IRVINE: Poor Quistis...she looked so sad.

RINOA: Yeah.

SQUALL: Yeah.

ZELL: And Seifer made really good hot dogs!

SELPHIE: Yeah.

IRVINE: We should do something special for Quistis, like buy her a bookstore or something.

RINOA: I think we've had enough of Quistis doing weird stuff outside of the Garden.

SQUALL: Yeah.

IRVINE: Let's just get her a card, then.

SELPHIE: Hey, yeah!

ZELL: Hey, guys! Can you wait for me while I get something from the vending machine? (runs off)

RINOA: And while you're at it, Squall...

SQUALL: ?????

In Quistis' Office

IRVINE: Quisty? Are you in here?

QUISTIS: What do you want?

IRVINE: I brought you something to make you feel better!

QUISTIS: What?

IRVINE: This. (gives her his card)

QUISTIS: Your card?

IRVINE: Yeah!

QUISTIS: It's just a piece of cardboard with your face on it! I see your face every day!

IRVINE: Well, I thought it might make you feel better.

QUISTIS: And your phone number is written on here!

IRVINE: Oh, uh, how'd that get there?

QUISTIS: We both live in the same place! How could I not know your phone number?????

IRVINE: Well, I thought you could use a laugh.

QUISTIS: Laugh????? I'll show you laugh! Get out!!!!! (throws a cup at him)

IRVINE: (ducks under the cup) Okay, fine. You don't have to yell.

QUISTIS: (grabs him by the ear, and shoves him out the door.)

IRVINE: OWWWWW! Ow, ow, ow! Quisty! That's painfulllll!

QUISTIS: And stay out! (slams door behind him, then looks at card) ::Awww...that's so sweet of him.:: (puts the card in a picture frame)

At the Deling City Hospital

SQUALL: Uh, hello? Fujin and Raijin?

RAIJIN: Oh, look! It's Squall.

FUJIN: (looks) AFFIRMATIVE.

SQUALL: Uh, Seifer isn't around anywhere, is he?

FUJIN: NEGATIVE.

RAIJIN: Yeah, he went to get us some chips an' stuff from the vending machines, ya know?

SQUALL: Oh, good. Uh, we passed this card around at the Garden, and Rinoa made me bring it to you guys. (gives them the card)

_We hope that you guys get well soon! Rinoa Heartilly_

_Give Quistis something else to think about other than her stupid restaurant! -Selphie Tilmitt_

_Seifer, how did you make those hot dogs??? -Zell Dincht_

_Quistis Trepe--Get Well_

_Get Well Soon, Fujin and Raijin. From Cid and Edea Kramer_

_Fujin and Raijin, get well soon! Why does Fujin hate Nida????? Irvine Kinneas _

_None of your business! Raijin, get well soon. (Fujin, I hope you die!) -Nida_

_Dear Fujin and Raijin, please heal quickly and get well soon! Tell Seifer that his cooking is excellent! -Xu_

_Get Well. Squall Leonheart_

_Seifer, I hope your friends get well soon! I really enjoyed working with them at Instructor Trepe's restaurant! -Susie, AKA Trepie # 78_

_Rinoa made me write this, but Fujin and Raijin, I hope you get well soon. Laguna Loire, President of Esthar_

_-Kiros_

_-Ward_

_Dear Fujin and Raijin, I'm sorry I hurt you guys. Everyone else says hello, but they won't sign the card because they hate you. Sorry for blowing up the Restaurant and everything. Sincerely, Yuffie Kisaragi_

RAIJIN: Aw, that's sweet, ya know?

FUJIN: AFFIRMATIVE.

SQUALL: Sorry...uh, some of the SeeDs refused to sign it. In fact, most of them did.

RAIJIN: But you got the President of Esthar to sign it, ya know!

SQUALL: Uh...yeah. ::I'm never gonna forget that. "Hey, Squall, what are you doing? Oh, you want me to sign this card? What for? Blah, blah, blah..."::

FUJIN: LEONHEART, THANKS.

SQUALL: Sure, anytime. I'd better be going now. See ya!

FUJIN: BYE.

RAIJIN: Bye, Squall!

Squall leaves and heads down the hall. Coming in the other direction, towards him, is Seifer.

SQUALL: Uh...hey, Seifer.

SEIFER: (nods) Squall.

As they pass each other, Seifer suddenly grabs Squall's arm and starts gnawing on it.

SQUALL: EEEEKK!!!!

SEIFER: (spits something out) Ew! Leather!

SQUALL: What are you doing, you freak?

SEIFER: Shut up, dinner!

SQUALL: I'm not your dinner!

SEIFER: (spits out more leather) No, but you will be.

SQUALL: (screams and runs away)

SEIFER: (snickering to himself) ::That oughta scare him stupid for a while.::

The End


End file.
